It’s Always the Same WISH…Another Year, Another Birthday

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Hello to my fellow Libra’s & StyleLeeders! Happy Birthday to ME & to StylishLEE ♥

On an average night I don’t fall asleep until after 2 in the morning. Crazy I know! But because my mood had gone south just hours before my birthday, I somehow managed to fall asleep by 10pm. By midnight the sound of my phone startled me. It was my husband and close friends calling and messaging me to be the first person to tell me Happy Birthday! It’s a beautiful feeling when you feel that type of love but sometimes even that can’t change the feelings deep inside.

Whenever I blow out candles in celebration of another year of my existence, my birthday wish for the last few years has always been the same…Happiness! Simple right? Well, easier said that done for me. Once again, I’ve been feeling very down and to be quite honest with you I never even planned on sharing a blogpost today. Until a few hours ago…

I was sitting at my work desk at home and my mind drifted off on how so much has changed within the last 12 months of my life. I was reflecting on what has and has not brought me happiness. Truth be told, this past year hasn’t been my favorite year but for reasons I’ve held on to in the quiet of my mind. I already know most people have summed me up to be this sweet gal with an amazing marriage, a loving family, a decent job, and the list goes on…it’s all true. From the outside looking in my life is great, and it is. But I have days when I get home and crawl into a bubble and get lost with the thoughts in my head.

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I took the time out to make a list of the things that made me happy over the past year and the things that well…DID NOT! I won’t share this list with you because it’s all too personal but I after scanning over my piece of paper over and over I realized that several of the things that were making me unhappy has a whole lot to do with impatience, guilt, jealousy and comparison. I have become my worst critic and it has lead to much of my most recent feelings of constant sadness.

It’s not like me to be the jealous type, so when I shared these feelings with my best friend she was just as shocked. I’ve sat back and seen my Instagram newsfeed and Facebook timeline clutter with, new job congratulations, pregnancy announcements or ‘we just bought our first HOME’ posts. Day by day as I paid more attention to these things my soul slowly filled itself with anxiety. The pressure of comparing where everyone was in their own lives to mine was weighing heavy on my heart. I don’t know if this is something that happened because I’m getting older but when I hit 25, it was at that point I really began paying attention to TIME.

Please don’t get me wrong. I know I have a beautiful life. I’m in a career where my mother is my teammate, partner and coworker and I married the man of my dreams [seriously, I told my friends in the 9th grade that I was going to marry Manny and years later I did]. But still, bounds of sadness occasionally hit me and it’s been happening more frequently over the past few weeks.

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After all the Happy Birthday wishes and taking forever to fall back asleep, I woke up this morning and here I am writing this post. I know it sounds cliche but but we make our own happiness and I’m trying really hard to be just that. Genuinely happy. I told myself yesterday that I wasn’t going to wish for happiness this birthday but instead to find ways to keep my light shining bright no matter what curve balls life throws at me.

I honestly hate sharing such a soppy post with you. Especially on a day that really should bring happiness to me. But I guess I needed an outlet to get some stuff off my chest while also sharing with you that I don’t have it all figured out. Even though it appears as if I do [us bloggers are pretty good at showing you the good stuff only]. But I too struggle with life, even on an awesome day like a birthday.

On a “happier” note [because I can’t leave this birthday post dry and sad]. I finally think I figured out what I want to do today. For the past two weeks my girlfriends have asked time and time again what I wanted to do for my birthday and I kept stalling my answer because I just didn’t have one. Until now! I love road trips! So I’ve decided to spend my day driving to Negril and maybe also to St. Elizabeth. I know the things that make me happy so I want to spend more time doing those things while also taking the time to enjoy every second I’m given as opposed to comparing my moments to someone else’s. So my birthday gift to myself this year? A BREAK! Starting with this solo drive.

I’m sorry if this was not the post you were expecting. Especially if you’re familiar with my yearly birthday posts for both myself and this blog. This post may be all over the place but I myself am trying to figure it all out. So please bare with me. I’m sure this year will come with it’s bundle of ups and downs but thats a part of LIFE, right? Cheers to life ♥

By the way, the blog is 3 years old today! Crazy right?!
Talk Soon. Nuff Love, Natasha ♥
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19 Comments

  1. Janet James
    September 26, 2017 / 8:46 am

    Happy Birthday Gorgeous!!

  2. Camille
    September 26, 2017 / 9:12 am

    There is so much I would like to say about this vlog but I gwan mek it short. We all go thru this I know I’ve been there at many points in my life so thank you for sharing such a personal part of yourself with us. Please please enjoy your bday Negril is my favorite place so I’m sure you will. Never forget nobody is perfect and we all are doing the best we can life is not a race it is a journey so walk good. Best wishes

    • October 12, 2017 / 11:23 am

      Thank You Camille. I’ve been away from the blog and social media so I’m only just getting a chance to send my love and thanks back. But I sincerely appreciate every word sent. You’re right, life is not a race but a journey. Thank you

  3. Anja
    September 26, 2017 / 9:25 am

    Happy birthday beautiful! I know this ALSO sounds cliche but bare in mind also that those people on Instagram ALSO try to share the best parts of their lives… it’s a plastic world. They battle demons behind closed doors too.. even some MUCH more serious & frightening than ours… trust mi!! Lol. But anyways keep on thriving and being eternally grateful and watch things fall in place! Nuff love ❤️

  4. September 26, 2017 / 1:06 pm

    Happy Birthday and remember comparison steals your joy. So, go on and Enjoy every moment. . .

    • October 12, 2017 / 11:24 am

      Hi Neti, thank you. Yes I’m trying my best to live in the present and enjoy every moment

  5. September 26, 2017 / 4:04 pm

    HAPPY Birthday lovely! Mine was last weekend, cheers to September 🙂 Focusing more on the small things that make you smile are key steps to overall happiness, I hope you find a great balance soon. From yuh have life, yuh have everyting! <3 Enjoy.

    • October 12, 2017 / 11:25 am

      Thanks Jhunelle. Seeking balance from life and living in the moment, and you’re right, from yuh have life, yuh have everything

  6. JOY
    September 26, 2017 / 6:42 pm

    Tasha, 50% of what you see on SM is not true. Please stay only in competition with yourself; creating the next version of Tasha based on the goals set by you….not anyone else. We all go through low periods but there is nothing, tea, chocolate and sleep can’t solve or like you did, a fabulous ling drive….LOOKING FORWARD TO SOME GREAT PICS ❤

    • October 12, 2017 / 11:28 am

      Hi Joy, thank you. I know half of it is an over-exageration of many peoples lives yet still I made it get the best of me. Which was why I needed to take a break from this blog and SM for a while. I’m feeling much better and I think I just needed to spend some personal time with ‘ME’. Thank you again

  7. Karen J
    September 27, 2017 / 10:37 am

    Happy Birthday Blessings to you!
    I know/Have known this feeling all too well – creeps up from time to time (if I let it). I’m thinking its just a part of our growing process. Every now and then on our life’s journey we’ll reach forks in the road (decisions).
    I’ve found that only Jesus squashes these feelings. He loves me/us. Try him Natasha. He’s the only one that satisfies EVERYTHING. You won’t be disappointed.

    • October 12, 2017 / 11:31 am

      Thank you Karen, I look to him always.

  8. Marcelline Zacca-mcfarlane
    September 27, 2017 / 11:13 am

    Happy Birthday 🎉 beautiful, this too shall pass… we all have different paths to our goals…just embrace YOUR ride- potholes, bumps , intermittent weather and the smooth paved road , you would be surprised if you could talk to ppl that “seem” to have achieved – they have their struggles too!!not all that glitters is gold. Big up yourself, you are a positive role model for a lot of women, that’s one of life’s greatest achievements. Love Ya🙏🏼🙏🏼

    • October 12, 2017 / 11:21 am

      Thank You. & yes I’m definitely embracing my ride. Took a break from the blog and social media which allowed me to spend more time on myself and now I’m in much better spirits.

  9. Mary Martinez
    September 28, 2017 / 9:42 am

    Hello Natasha: I love ur blogs, u write what u need to write and I understand about the ups & downs. Luv u Natasha, stay smiling as best as u can. Stay sweet & slaying!😊😊😊

  10. Amoy stacy Ann Mullings
    September 30, 2017 / 8:18 am

    Happy belated birthday darling!! Can’t believe it’s all of 3 years already 🤤. I really appreciate you making this very personal post because believe me many of us struggle with this. Personally I have made so many progress but I constantly struggle with feeling happy its like it’s evading me. Sometimes I think we put way too much pressure on ourselves especially with the rise of social media which has made it easier for us to be constantly comparing our lives to others. Kudos for taking the time to post how you really feel and I guess it might be ackward because posting how u really feel in this day and age had been frowned upon because we have been constantly fed with this illusion of perfection. Which is pretty ridiculous! Because life happens it knocks us all down at points. I think I’m in a better place, I have been making a conscious effort of not being overly critical of myself and I have been reading tons of blogs and watching YouTube videos which have really really helped. Wishing for you many more birthdays I hope you will be gentle with yourself and know you’re not alone and you will overcome!! Ps. I don’t if you follow Myleik on social media but she had a great podcast you can give it a listen.
    ❤️❤️

    • October 12, 2017 / 11:06 am

      Thank you Amoy. This means the world to me. I too am in a better place. Took a little break from the blog and social media and I’ve just been living in the present. Oh and YESSSS I love Myleik and I too listen to her podcasts. She’s so inspirational.

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